agentcampbell | The Burrito Creed

Current Mood: thirsty
Current Location: Manhattan, New York

The Burrito Creed

You Are a Burrito

You life large, and you're happiest when you're the center of attention.

You are popular and appealing. You are charming and naturally flirtatious.

You are a trendsetter. You're always trying something new, and you never get stuck in a rut.

You are open minded and adventurous. You love to mix seemingly random elements together.

What Mexican Food Are You?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm sorry, it was reflex.

I know, love. It's okay, really. All this takes time.

It's never happened before! You need to know that. Something to do with my mind forcing my body to heal or something. I can't remember. I was thinking about M&Ms by the time the shrink got to that part.

Did I say anything? Nice quick defence, though. So I shouldn't be all insecure that it's me causing your dick to flop? Did you get your M&Ms?

I'm good like that. You were insecure about it? You didn't tell me that. No, the fuckers won't let me eat them.

Because I'm not insecure. I'm Harriet Ryan. I don't get insecure about anything. Especially not dicks flopping, or babies, or settling down, or not knowing what we are. Bastards! Did you tell them to get fucked?

That's bullshit. I don't believe your speech. Everyone gets insecure. Some even put themselves into comas to deal with it.

I did! Well, no, I didn't. You can't tell your Mum to fuck off. At least, I can't tell my Mum too. She's slap me down. So, I yelled at my brother instead and he just laughed at me.

Of course I'm bloody insecure. Can't you read sarcasm anymore? I'm fucking shitting myself. And sooner or later I'll fart with such force that I probably well shit myself. Pregnancy is far from glamourous. Will you still love me if I shart?

You call your mum a fucker? I actually like your mum. She gave me a hug... Your brother just gives me funny looks.

Hey, I had a broken brain! You can't yell at me for being thick, it's against the law of physics or something. See, yeah, about that. You are allowed to fart in front of me, you know. I might laugh, but I'm not going to break up with you or anything. When Ali was pregnant, she used to nearly blow my sofa apart. I know it sucks, and I'm sorry. Will you still love me if I do it?

No, I didn't, but I was really annoyed. I have sworn at my Mum a total of once in my whole life, and she made sure I would never do it again. She's just Mum. She's... I'll stop now before I cry. Mark's protective. Extremely protective. He'll need to talk to you before he trusts you with me, so just ignore him.

I'm not yelling at you, love. I was just saying. Okay, maybe strongly saying. I don't think I'm going to have much choice but to fart in front of you. Yeah, I'll still love you. I still love you after everything else... Sharting is nothing.

You're allowed to cry. I'll still love you, and I won't laugh. What's he going to talk to me about?

Well, see, because sometimes when I'm sick, it's not pretty. You probably already know that. For all I know, I crapped myself this time around. No one ever really points the fact out to me. And I was just saying, because you haven't, and it's okay. I'm not a prude. Fuck, I'm far from a prude. My family will tell you that. The whole girls don't far thing? Yeah, Ali killed that myth for me in, like, the first week I met her.

Just general big brother investigation to make sure you won't hurt me. He worries about me and my romantic life.

Probably because no one really knows. I just remember all the vomit, and being terrified. Well, just a reminder that I haven't really done this before. I wasn't aware farting was supposed to be on the list of topics to discuss. We did the vomit thing, I guess farting was bound to happen. I can imagine Ali killing it.

I'm not going to hurt you... I just want to protect you.

That was worse than I normally would be. You need to know that. If it was a natural progression, it would have been slower with more warning. I don't want you to be terrified of my illness. It can be life-threatening, but so can anything. I think it's subjective. It's on the list of topics if you put it there. So, while we're on the list, is there anything else you want to add to it?

I know that. It's a big brother irrationality. And it's maybe amplified now because he'll be scared of losing me ten fold.

It's not the illness I'm terrified of. I just thought... I thought I'd lost you. I'm allowed to freak out if I find you on the floor barely breathing. Well, I tried while you were asleep, but you were pretty gone.

So I'm going to have to deal with an insecure protective brotherly interrogation? I'm going to be needing that burrito.

I didn't say you weren't! Bollocks. Okay... okay. I'm just trying to help you, okay? That was deliberate. I did it to myself. I just wanted you to know it won't always be like that if I get sick. It's more likely to just be me with zapped energy clinging to you in bed because I'm feeling sorry for myself. I'm just... trying help you. Tell me now. I wasn't feeling well before. I'm good now.

He won't come on heavy. He's just as nervous as you are. You're this whole big important part of my life that has happened and he knows nothing about. He's intimidated.

I'm sorry, I know. It really was just scary as all fuck. I'm glad it's not going to always be like that. So if you get clingy, I'm supposed to feed you sugar? Or get you to hospital? Luke's given me the keys to his old apartment. It's in Ali's building. I thought we could look after the ultrasound. See if it would be good as our new home.

I'm not scary!

No, I'll just have crap days when I feel off. If I eat sensibly and take my injections, it'll be okay. I'm a lot sicker when I need to get to the hospital. Shaking, sweaty, feeling faint. You'll know the difference. Luke? Andrew's cousin? He has an apartment in my old building? Are you serious?

I didn't say you were. Important doesn't mean scary. Mark's not a bad guy. I know it's easy to think he's evil incarnate after what he did to Ali, but he's not. She was his world. He just got really hurt. He's a good guy deep down. Just a wanker.

Okay, I'll remember that. And yes, Andrew's cousin. I'm deadly serious. His parents apparently bought it for him, but he's rented it out since then. It's not his kind of apartment. The last tenants have been out for a while, but he wants us to know we can either rent, or buy it outright.

Do you want to ask him over for dinner?

Well, fuck. In Ali's building? That's... would you be okay living that close?

Not if it's too much trouble. I know it's weird with them all suddenly here. Probably feels, I dunno, odd. I'm still finding my feet myself. I do want you to get to know them, though.

Why wouldn't I? I agreed to look at it because I thought it would be good for you to be close to her and Jamie.

It's not too much trouble. Ask them over.

Yeah, but it's gotta be what's good for both of us before anything else.

Okay. But only if you're sure.

Edited 2009-06-17 09:46 (UTC)

I'm sure on both counts, okay? Just come and look at the apartment then we'll see. I happen to like it, but you need to feel you can be at home there. Don't say yes until you see it.

As for dinner, we'll work something out. You know I don't cook, but we'll find something to serve.

Okay, when are we seeing it again? I'm sorry. That sounded like I wasn't listening. I was. My memory is still a bit shot from the coma.

If you're happy to relinquish the kitchen, Mum will cook. She's itching to do the Mum thing. She nearly has an eye twitch trying to stop fussing.

It's alright, love. I was thinking tomorrow after the ultrasound, but basically it can be whenever.

Oh, I'm happy to. I am more than happy to. I wouldn't want your mum's eye twitching.

Okay, well, you can- wait. I was going to tell you to make an appointment, but you've got the key, so it's all cool.

If she tries to tuck your shirt in or adjust your collar, just let her at it. Once a Mum, always a Mum.

Yes, yes it is.

What if I don't wear a shirt?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

The Burrito Creed

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject