How is it possible, though? He doesn't even eat that much. Every time I look, he's getting bored of your nipples. And our doorman thinks he's the most well-behaved baby ever. Is the guy deaf?
He's a baby! All they do is poo, cry, and eat. Oh, and dribble. I'm the one that always winds up with baby spit on her shoulder. Now I really am just insulted. You think my milk is off, and my own son doesn't think my nipples are good enough.
We are several floors up, love. I know Campbell has good lungs, but not that good.
But he's awesome at the baby things. He did the vomit thing on my shirt today. I don't think your milk is off! But now that you mention it, maybe he's not feeling well? How do we tell? He just has the Campbell attention span, I didn't say he hated your nipples.
That lawyer bitch across the hall asked me if we were feeding him enough or dropped him on his head. I might have arranged to have her car towed.
And you're really proud of that, but having a whinge about his poo? He'd be running a fever. Does he feel hot to you? Charming... Now I know what Ali was talking about. They just must be more prevalent in males.
She fucking deserves it. She's destined to wither in a lonely existence. Although I could have sworn I saw Flynn leave her apartment one day.
I'm technically not whinging about it. I'm dealing with it, aren't I? There's just so much of it. He does sort of, a little. His cheeks are warm. Maybe I wrapped him too tightly. What was she saying?
No doubt she's got cash, but she can stick her Louis Vuitton up her arse. My son lives here just as much as she does and he can scream the place down if he wants to.
No, I guess you technically aren't. You're being wonderful, love. See if his cheeks cool down when you loosen the blankets. Just that Campbell genes are troublesome.
Exactly right. She can fuck off. Maybe we should look into some sound-proofing stuff, though.
Okay... loosening. Oh... okay, he didn't like that at all. I think he got that off me, doesn't like being disturbed when he's trying to sleep. I think he's going to cry. Oh yep, he's going to cry. Our genes aren't troublesome! They're just... unique.
Well, I'm hoping he'll grow out of it? Will he? He doesn't do it all the time, he just keeps going for a long time when he does.
You're changing his nappy while he's asleep? How did you not disturb him that way? Bugger... Maybe he was just warm because he was cosy. In a troublesome way.
Well, I'm not going to just leave him in it! He's really tired, and I was careful. Ali showed me how without bothering him too much. She's got all these cool little tips. Did you know Campbell hasn't cried once with her? Not once. And she thinks she sucks as a Mum. I think she's just learnt her stuff. He still feels warm. What do we do?
That nurse that came around to see how you were after the birth said his crying was normal and she's heard babies worse.
I should bloody hope not! But even I haven't got down the nappy changing while he's asleep. She definitely does not suck as a mother. Jamie is very lucky, and so are we. Campbell gets an amazing aunty. Do we have a thermometer? I'm sure we do...
It's all he can do to try and let us know what he wants.
He doesn't like being woken up. Can't say I blame him. She doesn't suck, she just withholds sex to punish herself... I'm still trying to get my head around that one. How do you take a baby's temperature?
I know. But do you get the feeling sometimes he's just doing it because he's pissed off? He is our son, afterall.
I can't say I blame him right now, either. I feel like I can't get enough sleep. She's... what? I'm missing something. Well, I'm not sticking it up his bottom, so maybe we'll try under the armpit.
Yes, I do. I'm waiting for when he's older and he'll be a door slammer, or something.
I don't think you're supposed to when you've got a kid. Life's little sacrifices. She stopped having sex with Andrew to punish herself for not being able to have his kid. She has these mental moments. You gotta catch her in the act or she thinks herself in circles. In the meantime, Andrew has been thinking she's been pulling away because she was having second thoughts about marrying him. Does the thermometer have instructions?
Oh god. He will, won't he? And a stomper. Do you think he'll pout? He has too gorgeous a mouth to be a pouter, right?
I'm getting that. As long as Campbell gets his sleep that's all that matters. Oh god, is she okay? Is he okay? I can imagine the miscarriages would have been hard... But to punish herself like that. I want you to slap me if I do that. Not that I'm assuming we'll have a miscarriage. She wouldn't have second thoughts about the marriage, that's crazy. It might... Or I could have thrown them out.
I think he'll pout, and the world will fall on its knees. He's going to everyone wrapped around his little finger.
Well, he mostly does. I think a lot of her thoughts and feelings are subconscious. Sometimes you don't realise how down or hurt you are until someone else points it out to you. You just go on functioning. She said she didn't know she was doing it until Andrew talked to her. I know, but I guess if she was withholding on him and not giving much intimacy wise, that would be your first fear, wouldn't it? Especially with Ali's past history with relationships. Shit, you didn't, did you? What if we do it wrong? Can we Google it?
At least Andrew did talk to her about it, imagine if he'd never said anything. She might have continued. It could have blown up even worse. I don't know, if they're not in the drawer, I'm not sure where they would be. I think you can Google anything.
I think he broods on things a little because he doesn't want to hurt her more, but deep down, he's a pretty strong bloke. He's still struggling with the booze thing, but you wouldn't know it to look at him. He's, like, Super Dad. I'm never standing next to him, because I'll look like crap in comparison. Last I spoke to her, he was heading home so they could talk. I hope they sorted things out. She called me to complain about a Brazillian. Just like the good old days. Okay, I Googled. Unless you got a butt thermometer, you stick it under his arm until it beeps.
I know. I want to keep touching him to make sure he's real.
Which I can understand, but I'm sure he'd never hurt her. No, you really wouldn't. He's an amazing bloke. Hey, you don't look like crap, love. You're doing pretty well, you know. A Brazillian? I think I just cried a little. I couldn't ever face one of those. Before or after birth. I told you to put it under his arm.
Of course he wouldn't, not intentionally. Ali's just fragile, and now we have Campbell, I can see why. She's had two babies die. How would we feel if Campbell had died? I don't know if I could function. Yeah, a Brazillian. She wanted to be sexy, but he apaprently doesn't think she needed it. Aw man, he's trying to do the wriggle pretzel thing again. He's restless now I've woken him up. Do I just stick it under there? What if he doesn't like it? He's not going to like me undressing him.
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agentcampbell) wrote2010-01-17 06:51 pm
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And we really did do wonderfully well with Campbell. Just his Mummy needs some loving right now.
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We are several floors up, love. I know Campbell has good lungs, but not that good.
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That lawyer bitch across the hall asked me if we were feeding him enough or dropped him on his head. I might have arranged to have her car towed.
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She fucking deserves it. She's destined to wither in a lonely existence. Although I could have sworn I saw Flynn leave her apartment one day.
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No doubt she's got cash, but she can stick her Louis Vuitton up her arse. My son lives here just as much as she does and he can scream the place down if he wants to.
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Exactly right. She can fuck off. Maybe we should look into some sound-proofing stuff, though.
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Well, I'm hoping he'll grow out of it? Will he? He doesn't do it all the time, he just keeps going for a long time when he does.
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In a few months if we're lucky, yes.
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That nurse that came around to see how you were after the birth said his crying was normal and she's heard babies worse.
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It's all he can do to try and let us know what he wants.
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I know. But do you get the feeling sometimes he's just doing it because he's pissed off? He is our son, afterall.
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Yes, I do. I'm waiting for when he's older and he'll be a door slammer, or something.
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Oh god. He will, won't he? And a stomper. Do you think he'll pout? He has too gorgeous a mouth to be a pouter, right?
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I think he'll pout, and the world will fall on its knees. He's going to everyone wrapped around his little finger.
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We're so fucking doomed.
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But he is beautiful.
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I know. I want to keep touching him to make sure he's real.
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Me too. He's the best thing we ever did.
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I still can't believe he's mine.